Saturday, August 2, 2014

pre-start nerves

Well I am all signed up for the August round - it starts tomorrow.  I have to admit that although I am revved up and ready to go I am also a tad nervous about the whole process... I guess that is normal after all we are talking about changing a lifetime of habits here.

I am still to do my fitness test - but will do so tomorrow morning (no excuses) and post my results.  I am not expecting miracles.

I approached our local gym yesterday (via email) and have received a number to call to arrange a meeting with them so will do so tomorrow...  gym's intimidate me so fingers crossed the lady I am meeting is lovely and understanding and will be able to help me in my journey... as then I can wipe "weather" completely off my excuses list.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

New Beginning...

Today's ponderings...

So what do you do when your size 22 work shirt struggles to do up? 

You sit and ponder that you really really should think about losing weight.

I am grateful for the fact that at least my work pants do up easily enough, but do wonder if they will pop at the seams at any given moment, especially when I have to bend over and stretch as part of my work role (I do night fill!) ...I imagine the seams splitting mid-shift? I imagine the embarrassment and humiliation of explaining my predicament to my manger?  Not something that I want to experience!!  

I have came to the point where none of my your jeans fit and I begrudgingly purchased a couple of pairs of tracksuit pants so that I at least had something to wear.  I tried not to think about the fact that I was purchasing a size that I have never ever had to resort to purchasing EVER before?  .

Actually, I realised last night when the bottom 2 buttons on said shirt 'ONLY JUST' connected that it was time to face a reality check - I either take my head out of the sand and buy a new shirt ( a size 24 or possibly a 26 would be a closer to reality fit - gulp!) or I do something about it.  

Which brings me to this very point in time!

Upon reflection - I can see that you can not lose weight until your head is in the right place and you are emotionally ready, it is not something that you can force your body to do if your mind is not ready.  For the last year? Maybe two?  My body has been giving me the signals that we needed to get with program and lose weight - lets face it - I have gained over 10kg in the past 6 months - no wonder I am in pain every day from my hip/back.  At this point in time I weigh roughly 110kg... but my brain has not been on the same program as my body.  

I can recognise that I have been not only cheating myself - but cheating my family.  I have been wasting a HELL of a LOT of money on various programs that I have purchased.  Yes I am admitting to trying and failing at lots of them... but upon reflection - it is not the program that has let me down - it has been myself. You have to be true to yourself, after all it is not rocket science - rather simple maths.

Struggling with weight loss is a very personal journey I am going to try to write here every day to talk about my emotions, about the highs and the lows and maybe, just maybe when I am feeling really, really low - instead of reaching for that chocolate bar or something naughty to comfort me - I will be able to learn other ways to cope!

I can't keep going the way that I am going anymore...  It is time to do something about it... It is time to JFDI!